Endings and Beginnings

My grandfather and I always have had a close relationship.  I was always his little princess growing up.  People also said that we shared a quirky sense of humor.  I used to love going over to Grandpa and Grandma's for extended lunches, not only was it free but I could also nap on the couch after!
I consider myself very lucky to have had him in my life for this long, but that doesn't make saying goodbye any easier. Today I buried my grandpa.  Well, not just me alone.  I guess I didn't really bury him as much as I watched his casket get lowered into the cold, soggy St. Patty's Day ground.  As I placed a red carnation on Grandpa's casket I thought about my two sisters and my brother, happy and secure with their spouses.  I thought about their wedding day.  How happy and proud Grandpa had been seeing them starting a family of their own.  I thought about one of the last conversations that I had with my grandfather.  We sat hand in hand on his favorite couch in the den.  We were watching animal planet, and something with animal bloopers...(I hate animals).

Me - Grandpa, these shows are so funny.
Grandpa - Well, they are kind of stupid, but I can't hear the words from the other shows so well anymore and you don't need to listen to watch this.
Me - Oh. Well, they are still great. (No, they aren't. They suck. Why do lie?)
Grandpa - So, Jacci, you are moving to the Big City.  You are going to be a city girl, are you?
Me - Yah, I am so excited.  I love it in Toronto.
Grandpa - Just make sure you find a job close to your home... we all know your track record on the road.  It is safer for you not to drive...you shouldn't even own a car.
Me - uhhhhh..... yeah.  I guess you're right.
Grandpa - And make sure you are careful there.  We all know your track record of accidents even when you are not in a car...
Me - uhhhh....Yeah. Can't argue with that one.
Grandpa - Don't forget, you are getting older.  You need to settle down soon, find a good man...a good looking man...and get married.  You won't be young forever.
Me - *Gulp*
Grandpa - It's such a shame you couldn't find somebody to marry.  It was one of my last wishes to see you get married.  But that is definitely not going to happen now....
Me - *GULP*  No, Grandpa, that is definitely not going to happen.
Grandpa - Well, I guess that is that.  But, Princess, don't forget how much I love you and I'm proud of you no matter what.  And you are going to be a success.  You have it in your blood.

As I went in to hug my grandpa, I struggled to hold back my tears.  The second I stepped out of the den, I broke down.  Grandpa was right.  Animal shows are stupid. I am dangerous behind the wheel. I am an accident waiting to happen.  I wish he could see me get married one day (but that will never happen now).  Finally, I am a piece of him, and I will be sure to make him proud. I will make him proud through my actions, my work ethic, the way I love my family and the way I treat people.  Grandpa will be proud of me no matter what profession I chose or which city I live in or which car I drive (if I drive at all), as long as I do everything with the values and morals that he instilled to his children and grandchildren.

As we drove away from the burial site I turned around to see the casket abandoned in a cold, muddy hole and I knew that Grandpa was no longer living in that body, but in the hearts of his family.  And one day (God willing) I do get married, Grandpa will be there in my heart.